This is new for me. I don't think i've ever really sat down and thought about a past year and written down reflections on it. Having a blog will do that to ya, i guess.
So much happened to me this year. Dizzying heights and depressing lows. Which is part of the reason that i constantly reject it when people say that i'm lucky. I'm no more lucky than anyone else. Just because i win stuff sometimes doesn't make me lucky. This year, as much as i've gotten some things that i wanted, i've also heartbreakingly lost other things that i wanted even more. Some of my musings from this year:
~You never realize how big this planet is until you spend 14 hours on a plane and have only flown 1/4 of the way around it. Wow.
~Japanese culture is the antithesis of American culture. While we both share a love of consumerism, our cultures are completely opposite in almost every other way. That surprised and delighted me. My trip to Japan opened me up in ways that i'm still learning about. After 7 months, I still think about that trip at least once a day.
~I ran a marathon!!! Never ever ever thought i would do that. ok i didn't run all the way and 5K ain't that damn far but still. my shins was hurting after like 5 minutes. But i finished. Van-glorious.
~In January, my children were not living with me. that seems so implausible now. I'm already so used to them being with me...i had hoped and dreamed back then that they'd be here now but i was so defeated by years of losing that i didn't really believe i'd ever win. This has taught me to never give up on what is important to me in life.
~I completed two semesters of college at New York University!!! This time last year, i was so terrified to go back to school after 13 years. I was worried that i wouldn't be smart enough, that the work would be too much for me...that i would drown....but so far, i made it! i love my school so much. i remember when i first moved to NYC area 12 years ago, i used to walk around NYU's campus wishing i went there...dying to see the inside of those buildings...to ride the elevator in the library...to get food in the student cafeteria. and now...i'm here. a student at one of the most respected universities in the world. sometimes i'll be talking to someone about being in school and its just all blah blah whatever. and then after a while they'll ask where i go to school. I say "NYU" and their whole face changes...they say wow! that's fantastic! look at you!! it always makes me feel good. Like i know what NYU means to me but i never cease to be amazed at how much it means to other people as well. another dream realized.
~Sometimes we meet people too soon. or at least i'd like to believe that. you see, to believe that would feed my delusion that the universe has somehow robbed me of the life i was supposed to have. that the universe dangled the ultimate carrot before me only to laugh and take it away. but deep down i know that is not true. i know that things happen when they are supposed to happen. what might be more true is that sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for a short time. we meet them when we need them, and they need us...we learn all we can from each other, then we part. they have other things to do and focus on. my time is up. if that is the truth, then one year was certainly not enough time for me to accept it. Maybe next year...