Wednesday, May 31, 2006

No, Boo.

That right there on the left is mochi. For the uninitiated, that would be a Japanese dessert consisting of ice cream delicately wrapped in a rice-based soft "shell". Lovely on any occassion except for when there is a chocolate souffle begging for my attention. I succumbed. On my next trip to Nobu Next Door, there will be another sashimi salad and a tall chocolate parfait waiting for me...sigh...

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Does this mean i have to start writing more?

I mean, I do try. But when one sees people linking to one's words, one tends to feel like one must continue to churn out lovely words...

But seriously, that made me smile really big. It's simply nice to be appreciated. Thanks, Mary.

(edit: Mary took that particular post down. hmmmm...maybe she didn't like me linking to her blog. whatever.)

I also noticed another very interesting article she had really made me think hard and challenged me to walk all my talk. Here's the jist (cuz it's long but definitely a great read):

Of course, in so many ways our exploitation of our environment is unsustainable. We are obviously overly dependent on fossil fuels, which are rapidly being depleted and which produce a lot of pollution. We can reduce our consumption of fossil fuels by traveling and transporting less, which implies more localized living, working, and production. Consuming fewer manufactured goods also reduces consumption of fossil fuels. Our oceans are dying from pollution, but mainly from overfishing. Fishing methods, such as rapaciously destructive bottom trawling and the use of indiscriminately lethal drift nets are killing the oceans. While such efficient fishing methods may make a corporate accountant’s heart jump with joy, how long will it be before the oceans are devoid of life? People have to eat, but they need to do so in a way that can be sustained. We burn down Amazon rain forests to make way for cattle ranches so that fast food restaurants can manufacture cheap, toxic burgers. What if we obtained beef from a local farmer instead and ground it ourselves to make burgers? Would that not be cheaper overall, more healthful, and more sustainable? Would that not benefit our local community? Would that not have a less adverse impact on our planet?

If we grew produce in backyard gardens instead of importing it from abroad, it would obviously be far more efficient energy-wise because we would not have to ship that produce all over the world, nor even make trips in the car to buy it. What’s more, grown without pesticides, such produce would be more healthful. It would be tastier and probably more nutritious, as well. By recycling organic waste in a compost pile and combining it with waste from small animals, such as chickens, we can create a perpetually sustainable ecosystem in our own backyards. Replicating this model over the entire planet would substantially improve our harmony with our world, and go a long way toward making our existence sustainable.

But knowing me, i'd try to find a way to do both: to live within a community and behave more community-minded, but still have all the gadgets that i love. Cuz i'm definitely a gadget girl through and through. I've got a cell phone, blackberry, ipod, laptop, etc...i love cable tv. But i love people too! I swear! I mean i'm never trying to isolate myself. I've just always been a fan of technology...can i have it both ways? Please?

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

And So It Begins.

Hot weather + freedom of speech = rude ass men making comments out loud just cuz i'm wearing a dress.

As much as i love the weather these days, i can't stand how some men behave because of it. Yes, i understand women are going to receive a certain amount of attention because of our attire but that doesn't justify kissing noises and catcalls. And the older i get, the less patient i am with it. I'm quick to flip a bird or scream on someone. My trigger is hair-like.

and speaking of screaming on someone...i damn near got into a 3-on-2 brawl on Saturday night. yeah. me. anyone who knows me and is reading this right now (yeah right) would be highly shocked at that declaration...ok so what had happened was:

Jehan and i had gone out to see Paul Mooney at Caroline's. lemme tangent real quick and say that his show was beyond disappointing. This man is a comedy legend from way back and has now reduced himself to the most bitter, angry, and embarrassing nigger/fuck/bitch laden rants i've ever heard. There were very few "jokes"...i think the audience (and me) laughed mostly out of a sense of "i can't believe he just said that". It was wholly uncreative, lazy and annoying. He said nigger so much that it apparently made the non-black people in the audience think it was ok. I say this because when we were leaving to get our car from a parking garage, there was this drunk Italian-looking girl (she was at the show too) who saw fit to use the word a couple times, offhandedly talking about some guy. Well i don't let that kinda shit slide so i spoke up and told her that i was offended by her blatant usage of that word in my presence. In true drunk fashion, she waved me off w/her hand than proceeded to yell at me about how it was none of my business what she said since she wasn't talking to me or about me, etc. Then her two other drunk cohorts jumped in and one said what "they" all say: Your people say it! All 5 of us are yelling at each other and the situation was definitely escalating so thankfully my car showed up when it did and Jehan and I sped off into the night...

So thanks, Mr. Paul Mooney. you're doing SUCH a great job.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

It's Been A Long Time...

I'm sure every blogger experiences the feeling of having so much to say and then as a result, not being able to say/write anything. I've been there for the last two weeks. And even more than that, there's things that i want to write about that i simply cannot. Someone might not take too kindly to seeing it in print. So i have to respect people's wishes.

But i can say that this has been pissing me off for the last month or so. Leave her the fuck alone! I mean really! EVERY new mother makes mistakes. The rest of us are just lucky that we don't have cameras following us around when we do it. Hell, even experienced mothers make mistakes. You find me a mother that never accidently bumped her sleeping child's head on the doorframe while she was carrying him to bed or never bumped her elbow-height child accidently with said elbow while shopping. or never accidently poked her baby with a safety pin while changing a diaper or mending a shirt...those things happen. To all of us. Mothers and fathers alike. And i feel like this attack on Britney and her "bobbles" is just another way for people to feel better about themselves by hanging on the mistakes of celebrities. All you perfect motherfuckers make me sick. Fix your own shit!!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Lessons From Octavia, Page 2.

I started this a couple months ago and just kinda let it drop. So imma try harder to keep it going. The next Earthseed verse says:

God is Power--
and yet, God is Pliable--
God exists to be shaped.
God is Change.

Olamina continues on:

"This is the literal truth.
God can't be resisted or stopped, but can be shaped and focused. This means God is not to be prayed to. Prayers only help the person doing the praying, and then, only if they strenghten and focus that person's resolve. If they're used that way, they can help us in our only real relationship with God. They help us to shape God and to accept and work with the shapes that God imposes on us. God is power, and in the end, God prevails.
But we can rig the game in our own favor if we understand that God exists to be shaped, and will be shaped, with or without our forethought, with or without our intent."

Wow. I've said this in the past and i'll say it again: I've never believed in God the way the average person does. I've never believed God is a person (especially a man, please.) with human-like features or qualities that actually sits somewhere up high deciding to let this person win a gold medal in the Olympics or to give this person a winning lottery ticket or to wipe out an entire village with a tidal wave. If i am ever to believe in God, it would represent energy; an undefinable, unfathomable natural force. Its all around us all the time. And its pretty much exactly the way Octavia describes it in her Parable stories. Now that's a God that makes sense to me...

Anyway, back to the text. To me, what it's really saying is that we are in control of our lives. Completely and totally. That absolutely nothing happens to us that we haven't chosen in some way. Every decision or action we make is a choice and moves our lives forward in a certain each and every moment.

I can imagine there are some people that are unwilling to accept that. Mainly because it would deny them the opportunity to blame others for the state of their life. They would have to face the one thing they've always feared: accountability. I've had to deal with that issue myself. I've had to face certain things in my past and say to myself: No matter what happened to you, you chose every step you've taken in your life. You are, right now, where you chose to be. And that's a fucking bitter pill to swallow. But i do, every day.

But i don't want to just focus on the negative. There is hope and optimism in what Octavia has written. She's saying that we can make things in our lives the way we want them to be...that its within our power. That we have the ability to "rig the game in our own favor" by understanding and learning how to shape God. That if you stay on the Yellow Brick Road, it will definitely lead you to the Emerald City (ok i know i'm pushing it with that one)...but i'm sure the jist has been gotten.

Shape God and drive your life.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Another Bittersweet Mother's Day

If it weren't for me being a mother, i'd hate Mother's Day. Although i do love my mother, she's never been much of a mother to me at all. There was no guidance when i was young. From as far back as i can remember, she lived her life and i lived mine. I have no memories of help with homework, no shared life lessons or advice about anything... in fact, i've definitely done more to counsel, help and protect her than she ever has for me. Even to this day, she is not someone i can ever go to for advice.

I will give her credit for one thing tho: When i had my sons, she did surprise me by coming to stay with me for a week each time to help out...clean, cook, watch the baby while i sleep, etc. She definitely adores her grandchildren and has been helpful as far as when i need a babysitter, etc. And anytime that i've ever moved, she has come to help pack. I definitely appreciate all those things...i guess she's been more like a sister than a mother. But hey not all women take to motherhood in the same way. I can even say that i'm a better parent from having learned from her mistakes...

But anyway, my relationship with her is a constant struggle...for so many more reasons than i'm willing to list here. Other years, i've gone out of my way to get her a gift or a card for Mother's Day. I'm just not feeling it this time. I'm not angry with her at the moment but i just can't forget all the bad stuff from the past (and not-so-distant present)....

But I am looking forward to the wonderful crafts and cards the boys will make for me in school. Here's hoping they never discover Hallmark.

Monday, May 08, 2006


I just watched David Blaine try to hold his breath for nine was very difficult to watch see him suffering on live TV after it passed six minutes...I was covering my eyes and my heart was beating really fast. I think a little after 7 minutes he just couldn't take it anymore and the divers came in the tank to save him. People are cheering his name and he looks very upset.

He didn't succeed. And i'm glad. Its better for him that he didn't. Its good for him to know that his body and mind have limits. I can't even imagine what he'd have done next if this had worked out.

David, i wish you a long vacation in Tahiti...

Friday, May 05, 2006

I didn't know there was a word for it

Like Jason Toney and many others, I too have committed myspace-icide. His reasons are also my own:

"To me, the vast majority of people get at least 10% dumber when they get on myspace. They get obsessed with filling out silly surveys and constantly saying hi to each other and a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm already getting tired just thinking about. Maybe it's my old age of 31 but I just can't take it anymore."


Also, i missed my deadline by about 2 days but i did it. I sent off my financial information to the franchise that i'm interested in. I was sweating and worrying that they wouldn't accept me based on the sorry state of my dough. But two days later, the CEO called me back and wanted to keep the process going.

Wow. I can't even tell you how excited i was after that phone call. I let out a welp that i know other folks in my office heard but i don't care. I was on Cloud 9. I mean ok yeah i know it won't really be time to celebrate till i get the money to buy in but i gotta keep myself motivated. I need every small win to keep the self-doubt from creepin' in and fucking me up.

It's been a thing with me for a long time that i never finish anything i start. That i dream big and fall flat. And here i am again...embarking on something huge and life-changing and i really want to see it all the way thru this time...I have to.

Okay so the next step is I go to the home office of the company and meet the CEO and his staff. I will also get to review all of the financial information of the franchise and really be able to make an informed decision about whether it's something i can handle.