Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Winds of Change

If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?

If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for

I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like you'll never see me again

This song has been on repeat for the last few days...Alicia Keys and Kerry Brother's Jr. wrote that. amazing. I wish more people would live their lives like this but people always take for granted what they have. They don't appreciate what they have right now until it's gone.

i was always one of those people who believed in love above everything else. i know it's cliche but we live in world where there is so much negativity. people live in it...breathe it...embrace it. most people don't hesitate to say something negative to some. a criticism, a cruel joke, a flipped bird, a fuck you here and there. But ask the average person to tell someone they love that they actually love them, ha. much more difficult. people even have the nerve to claim that if you say it too much, it doesn't mean as much. but yet they can say hurtful things all the time with no problem.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

It's Times Like These...

when i wish i had a female best friend. Someone i could call and talk to...all the females that i'm close to are scattered. dawn is in israel. stef is too busy to have time for any sustained contact most of the time. one sister is 1000 miles away. another one has basically pushed me away. so that leaves me with no one really. no one who really understands me and how i feel about things. no one to feel safe to be me with.

do writers have alot of close friends? i would imagine that they don't. that they must be lonely people because how else could they pour so much of themselves into their pens and pencils? wouldn't there not be time for that if they had people? i will do the same then. i will try to give to my pen what my people reject from me.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

I Am a Writer.

Hello, my name is Damali and I'm a writer. That may seem like a small statement but it's huge to me. To believe and know that about myself has taken many many years. People would say "you're a writer" and i'd dispute it because i am not published...because no one has ever paid me to do it. But i understand now that it doesn't matter. I write. I create. therefore, i AM a writer. and i do want to be published. scratch that, i WILL be published someday.

this writing thing has come along so late in my life's strange what we discover about ourselves the older we get. As a teenager, i HATED writing. It was my least favorite subject in school and i'm pretty sure i wasn't very good at it. i would tell people that i was a singer. that i was gonna do that for a living one day...i was gonna be famous and have an album and make videos like Janet Jackson. that's all i would think about. i entered any talent show i could and performed alot at school and in front of my family and in front of my mirror.

then somewhere in my early 20s, i'd decided that i was an actor (not an actress; i hate that word). i moved to the New York area in hopes of being in movies or on Broadway. i still enjoyed singing but i was all about going on auditions for plays and films. and i did get some small work...some paid even. i did extra work in feature and low budget films, got parts in musical theater shows, did a local commercial for Mercy College. It was just all so expensive though. And unless you had a good agent, you do not get much of a return on your considerable investment.

In my early 30's, i became a filmmaker. i worked as a Production Assistant on a few film sets. I agonizingly wrote (that pesky writing again!) a screenplay and tried to direct it. i produced a short film with my friend Guy that went to some festivals...i saw myself as having the potential to be this great filmmaker one day. perhaps that could still be true. i don't know. i loved filmmaking more than singing and just felt way more creative to me.

so then now here we are. ladies a gentlemen, a dream we all dreamed of. i write. i think this is the scariest one of all.