Do as the Times New Romans Do.

type A
type b
from heaven to helvetica
the words fly thru me
to you
the words wrap and envelope
the words are my hands
they hug you
the bottom part of the g strokes your face
ever so gently
(don't make j jealous)
0 kisses you openly while p lies prone
c cradles you while you sleep s shaped
since i can't.

My Worst Nightmare.

Confessions of a Full-Time, Single Mom

For the last 7 years, my sons have not lived with me....they lived with their father. i had them part-time, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing...at first. Ideally, i think it's great for boys to be able to live with their father. That's an important bond that needs to be nurtured. Not to say that girls don't need their dads...of course they do. But the father/son thing is different. I wish it could have worked out differently for my boys, but unfortunately, their father is not up to the task, in more ways than one.

So they're back with me after a loooooooong fight. 4 years long, to be exact. And its wonderful and beautiful and everything i knew it would be. Every night, I put them to sleep with jazz music from the radio...they love to help me cook and they don't complain too much (yet) when i tell them to help me clean up. I just got them some warm flannel sheets for their beds and they thank me every night when they snuggle in...if i look sad, they come right over to find out what's wrong (i usually just say i'm tired). They run to the door like sweet puppies, ears flopping, when i come home from work. Nothing erases a stressful commute quicker than two toothy grins and tight hugs...

But even with all that love, the single mom thing is definitely as challenging as i knew it would be. it's something i never wanted to be, especially since my mom was. but ok; i'm here. i'm doing it. there's so much logistical stuff to work out...keeping track of who needs what for school which day, making sure they make sure to lock doors, and turn out lights...everlasting laundry w/gobstoppers sometimes attached...whose socks are these? pick up your towel! i won't even mention mornings.

speaking of school, i got school still. two classes. most evenings after all the cooking and straigtening and logistic-ing, i don't feel like picking up a textbook. i was used to having that kinda time on the days they were not here. now they are always here. but that's ok cuz no matter what, i'm loving that. loving that.

In Defense of "Kid Nation".

I've always had a love|hate relationship with reality shows. Mostly because i feel most of them are scripted and fake and have very little to do with actual reality. A few of the creativity based ones are ok like Project Runway and Top Chef. The contestants are actually learning valuable skills to help them succeed after the show is over. But shit like The Bachelor? or any show where men/women are competing to snag other men/women? ridiculous and a waste of television air time. Or even Big Brother/Real World type shit. Why should I care about their lives?

So here comes Kid Nation. The premise is hokey and contrived (40 kids live "alone" in a desert and join together to "re-build" a "ghost town" called Bonanza). I used so may quotations because 1, they are not alone...there are plenty of adults around off-camera; and 2, the town is a just a set. But forget all that; these are real kids. With real emotions. And real talents/skills. They range in age from 8 to 16. And yes, they are getting a stipend to participate in the show (5 grand) but that doesn't change the fact that they are leaving their families behind for 40 days. some of these kids had never been away from home before (and they have the option to go home at any time) They have to cook, clean, manage a store, govern/lead each other, entertain each other...Shit is real for them.

Even before the show started airing, media and parents were screaming "EXPLOITATION!!!". Please. There is absolutely nothing exploitative about this show. I watch it with my children every week and they get so much out of it. it has given them an entirely different attitude towards work, it creates many teaching moments about teamwork, tolerance. they adore those kids.

yes the kids are getting paid...so what? do you think that children who are actors are being exploited? and what's even more interesting about some people's complaints is that they wish the kids actually were completely on their own with no adult supervision at all!!! THAT would exploitative. you basically want to tune in each week to see a bunch of kids kill each other and starve to death? They are in a controlled environment, forming bonds, learning the value of hard work, learning important lessons about leadership and personal responsibility. all of those things will impact them far more than a couple of rootbeer shots for the camera.

as pampered, lazy, fat and apathetic as American children are these days, i can't believe that so many people are hissy fitting about 40 kids leaving their televisions, imacs, ipods and nannies behind for a month. These children are NOT being abused. There are plenty of adults there, they are just off camera. There is an entire camera crew, a medical staff, counsellors etc. For anyone to assume otherwise is just pure ignorance.

Happy Halloween!

Marius on Sax

He's only been playing for a month and he's absorbing it like a sponge. He's really good at reading music and his neck muscles are slowly adapting to the weight of the saxophone. I am so extremely proud of him...

Ye-Yo

Kanye West - (24th May 2004), originally uploaded by andrewkendall.

it's hard as hell to find a full-on photo of him smiling without any sunglasses on. even tho this is fake and posed, it's lovely.

But before i talk about Ye Ye, i had a neat dinner tonite. Ants on a Log. (don't even know why i want to write about this but fukk it, i'm writing) so yeah, Ants on a Log. Celery with peanut butter and raisins on top. Visualize it. I feel satiated, i've got my fiber and protein. yeah.

back to KanYe ...i hate that mid-capitalization crap, but i like him. alot. don't kill me anyone but right now, he's my favorite rapper. not just cuz of his rhymes (although that's like 68.3% of why), but cuz of who he is. i like his tantrums. i like his bragging. i like his beatmaking. i like his swagger. i like the way he dresses. i like that he ain't trying to be like everybody else in all the above-mentioned ways. he's claimed his own brand of masculinity that alot of rap dudes hate. he's emotional and not afraid to show it. to me, men like that are MORE manly than the ones who think being hard is all that matters....or those that think that any emotions they show make them weak.

on Graduation: excellent.

GOOD MORNING....as far as intros go, it's long but it starts the album off nicely. the drums sound like they are far away. like he's in another room. oooh! speaking of this, my favorite Bjork moment ever on record/cd is during There's More to Life Than This. she recorded the song in this milk factory and at some point, you HEAR her leave the room where the track is playing, slam the door and keep singing with the music track faintly in the background. just the fucking coolest shit i've ever heard. amazing. almost scary. like she came closer to you. (right now, if K-Ye was reading this, he'd be throwing a tantrum cuz i segued away from talking about him)

CHAMPION...this is my driving down the street with the windows down on a sunny day shouting out loud jaaamm!!! the beat bounces and you can't help but follow along. folks complain that the chorus is corny, but i like it (which could cement certain theories that KW makes music for the ladies) i love the stories he tells in it. about his dad making sure his family was fed and making sure he had new clothes for school. my favorite line: "Many feel like living is way harder than dying...for me, giving up is way harder than tryin'". fuckin' awesome. i think about that line alot.

STRONGER...love the lyrics but the Daft Punk sounds takes a bit getting used to. it's ok but honestly, i skip it alot. winning line: "you know how long i been on ya? Since Prince was on Appolonia."

I WONDER...i skip this one right away. ok the sample and the music are dope but his cadence annoys the hell outta me.

GOOD LIFE...another banger. It took me a minute to realize he sampled PYT. triple word score for that, Kan Kan.

CAN'T TELL ME NOTHIN...he's very introspective in this one...admits to being a loose cannon at times....he knows that having money don't necessarily make you a better person or make you choose the right path. shit, it often makes shit worse. the beat is ok. it feels a little boring to me

BARRY BONDS...my favorite cut on the album. a serious head-knocking beat. i be making faces like i smelled something nasty cuz the beat is that sick. i love when he says DUUUUUUDE! his rhymes are quite good on this. my favorite: "they say i'm going crazy and we seen this before, but i'm doing pretty good as far as geniuses go." but but but then at some point, Lil Wayne comes on *next track*

DRUNK AND HOT GIRLS....the beat is dope. it actually reminds me of one of the cuts on Stankonia. I wanted so badly to hear 3000 jump on this joint and really tell us wassup. But all we got is YeBaby and Mos being cute and funny. I did laugh on the first listen but i skip it now.

FLASHING LIGHTS....beautiful track. it drops in 3 phases. i could just listen to the first 40 seconds in perpetuity. the lyrics are ok.

EVERYTHING I AM...Primo. yes! i want this instrumental. that doesn't mean that i don't love Yeezy's lyrics cuz i do. (oh my god the scratching..oh my oh my) my favorite line: "people talk so much shit about me at barbershops, they forget to get they haircut". i laugh at that every time i hear it cuz it makes me think of J at the barbershop for some reason. I could just see him getting into some deep convo about Kanye then he be like "ok bye" at the end...lol no haircut.

THE GLORY...aNOTHer banger. amazing sample. makes you wanna go to church and catch the holy ghost (ok not really but yeah). altho i don't understand quite how Dwayne Wayne became Dwayne Wade...Ye-yo don't have to make sense all the time, i guess...tee hee

HOMECOMING...ok i don't like this one very much. i think its cuz its too much like the I Used to Love H.E.R. format, which i'm sure was purposeful but it's poorly done. *next track*

BIG BROTHER...love love love love this. a perfect way to close the album. similar to what 3000 did at the end of (can't think of the album right now..J don't kill me) but he told the story about him and Erykah and other stuff...Mr West got real personal about his relationship with Jay-Z. so introspective and emotional. i could feel how much he admires him and wants his approval. my respect level for Ye rose by leaps and bounds. Favorite line: "if you admire somebody, you should go head tell em, people never get the flowers while they can still smell em". Wow.

and for the record, if i may do some Kanye-type self congratulation, I typed each track name from memory. i didn't look them up. that's how many times i've listened to this shit.