Nikki said it for me.

I’m Not Lonely
by Nikki Giovanni


i’m not lonely
sleeping all alone
you think i’m scared
but i’m a big girl
i don’t cry
or anything

i have a great
big bed
to roll around
in and lots of space
and i don’t dream
bad dreams
like i used
to have that you
were leaving me
anymore

now that you’re gone
i don’t dream
and no matter
what you think
i’m not lonely
sleeping
all alone

Kindness Is A Disease

Kindness is a disease. And it's contagious. Its important for everyone to be infected so that it can spread. And it will.

I've been on this mission for a while...not only consciously; it just comes natural to me to be kind and generous to people. And it often deeply saddens me how few people share in that.

I was on the PATH train this morning and it was standing-room-only. I found an empty corner, adopted my stance and settled into my book. At the first stop, a heavy woman with a cane gets on and labours her way to a pole to hold onto. She's in plain view of everyone that is sitting down and i thought for sure, that someone would offer her a seat. But the SCDBD kicked in. (Sudden Commuter Deafness and Blindness Disorder) It's a debilitating disease that is often trigger by the boarding of pregnant and disabled passengers. The affected almost immediately fall asleep or become completely absorbed in the latest supermarket novel/tabloid.

I closed my book and prepared to make my move. The train sped off toward the next stop and i observed the woman struggle to maintain her simulataneous grip on the pole and her cane. At the next stop, when the train was safely halted, i calmly walked over to the afflicted/seated passengers and said:

"Excuse me, everyone. Would anyone mind giving their seat to this woman? She has a cane and i'm sure that its difficult to stand for long periods of time."

There were a few moments of hesitation as they all quickly glanced at each other to see who would get up first. Finally one really slim man made his move and grudgingly gave his seat while no one else budged. The woman thanked me profusely. I just said 'no problem' and walked away to find another place to stand...

I swear, if i didn't love people so much, i'd hate they inconsiderate asses. But it's cool. It's my mission and i've chosen to accept it.

*Dons dark sunglasses*

Flip Flop

Just when i've sworn off commenting on celebrity news, Lynne points me to an article about people messin' with my girl. This part gave me pause tho:

"Early last week, Ludacris, while promoting the basketball documentary "Heart of the Game," said that despite the rumors, he is not calling for a boycott of Winfrey's show. He said he would go back on the program if it were filmed live. He also said Oprah should invite a gaggle of MCs on at one time to have an intelligent discussion about hip-hop"

Delusions of grandeur anyone? First of all, Ludracis couldn't call a boycott on Oprah. Like who does he think he is? That's beyond laughable. Secondly, why would she even want him back? And lastly, any MCs that Ludacris would suggest be involved in this so-called "intelligent discussion about hip-hop" would probably fail miserably at the task. Cuz then they'd be forced to answer for why the hip-hop they personally produce ain't remotely intelligent.

ok wait. Did he actually use the word 'gaggle'? I highly HIGHLY doubt it. Not saying that he couldn't but that just don't sound like a word he would say. In fact, if i ever met him, i'd ask him to say it out loud just for kicks..

Empty Highway.

Hello to the 3 people that reguarly check-in here. You know who you are. And since i regularly check my Site Meter, i do too. I just want to thank you for reading. And a special thank you goes to the Princess for her constant stream of comments. J too, even tho he doesn't read or comment as much as he used to. It's cool tho. People are busy and have better things to do.

I sometimes struggle with why i write here and what i had hoped to accomplish. I guess i initially had hoped for interaction and discussion with people via my comments section, like i see on other blogs but that has turned out to be more difficult than i had anticipated. I don't advertise my blog on the web (and i don't really think i want to, per se), none of my friends read it (or if they do, they don't comment) and most people who stumble upon it don't stay.

There could be many reasons for those reasons. One, my content is not often that interesting or compelling to most people. I'm fine with that. I write for me and maybe too much about me. I think alot of people want more witty commentary on celebrity gossip and news. Or it could be just that the blog is not focused enough. It's too all over the place..it's not just about politics or just about race, or just about social issues. It's not *just* about anything. Maybe it's about what goes on in my head (which changes alot) so ultimately that's only gonna be interesting to me.

So then that settles it. Since i really have no audience, i can just not think so much about what to write or how to write it. I'll just let things flow when the mood suits me.

Reality.

Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. - Jane Wagner

Ain't that the truth.

That explains why so many people attempt to escape it. Whether through entertainment, books, vacations, drugs, sex or whatever the means...sometimes, and finally, even suicide.

At this point in my life, i'm more aware of current events and the ills of society and the world than i've ever been. Optimism has always been my salvation. I've always needed to believe that things would be better (in my own life and in the larger world) because to face the opposite is too much. I've often wondered how pessismists even stay sane. As reality tightens its grip on me, i'm beginning to see just how brown and brittle the grass is on the other side.

Women: Take Heed

The definition of assertiveness (as witnessed by me last week on the subway):

A woman hurries onto a subway car and slices between two well-dressed businessmen in order to get to a seat before the doors close. She fidgets with her bags, looks at her arm then asks one of the men, "Do you have the time?"

Man 1: It's about 5:10.

Woman (matter-of-factly): It can't be "about".

Man 2 (quickly): It's 5:17pm.

Woman: Thank you.


Like, wow. I sat there stunned. And by the looks on the mens' faces, they had no idea what just hit them either.

That moment gave me an Assertiveness Wake-Up Call for I'm quite sure that I, as well as most other women, would have accepted the first man's response (and thanked him for it!). I would have preferred the second man's response but would not have dared demand it. Is it because they are men? Is it because they were businessmen? As i think on those two questions, i'd answer no to both. I think it's simply a matter of women not being taught to be assertive like that. I'd have accepted that response from anyone.

A couple weeks ago, I attended a seminar and one of the subjects was How To Be Assertive Without Being Pushy. The speaker (a female) talked at length about the differences in the way men and women communicate in positions of power. We found that women are more likely to passively ask for things that should be demanded (i.e. "When you get a minute, would you mind printing that cost report for me?" as opposed to "Please print the cost report before the end of the day") Of course, i'm generalizing and not all women are shrinking violets...at least not as adults. And i can't help but wonder how the assertive ones got that way. Were they taught as young girls or was it learned life experience?

For me, i'm assertive in situations that seem to clearly call for it. But it's definitely not knee-jerk. Its something i have to consciously remind myself of. On some "ok if you really want this or if you don't like this you must speak up or else". And the only reason why is because i've had situations where i've missed out on opportunities or was taken advantage of because i kept quiet or didn't ask the right questions or didn't make myself visible enough, etc.

I'm sure there are many men who are not assertive as well...maybe it's just not as noticeable because men seem to garner a certain amount of respect and attention just from being male. But yeah, ladies. We need to step our game up. Cuz as you can see, sometimes all it takes is a few well-placed words and a confident attitude.

Coming Soon to Ya Homie's Crib

For real. Honestly. Like it's even available for advance purchase on Amazon. I'm still in shock as I type this....here's an excerpt:

"The Lord is all that, I need for nothing. He allows me to chill. He keeps me from being heated and allows me to breathe easy. He guides my life so that I can represent and give shouts out in his Name. And even though I walk through the Hood of death, I don't back down for you have my back. The fact that you have me covered allows me to chill. He provides me with back-up in front of my player-haters and I know that I am a baller and life will be phat. I fall back in the Lord's crib for the rest of my life."

Honestly, my first thought was: I wonder if 'the Lord's crib' also has a pool table, a piano that no one knows how to play, a poster of Scarface and a flat screen TV with surround sound?

Oh and i forgot to mention that the cover is in imitation leather. yeah.

As a hip-hop head from the 80s and as a former b-girl, i'm embarrassed. I mean i'm all for trying to reach the youngins...for trying to keep their heads on straight and give them some direction in life. But this just seems a little short-sighted. Besides the fact that slang changes so frequently, it just seems to be trying a bit too hard. I mean was there a Pothead Hippie Prayer Book filled with 'dude', 'groovy' and references to weed culture? Were they promised to be able to 'light a fat one' in 'the Lord's pad'?

My issues with the Bible et. al. aside, i don't think kids should be pandered to in this way. They should be encouraged to rise to the challenge of personal accountability, responsibility and impending adulthood, yes, but not by stooping to their level. That's just backwards.

Eric John agrees with me, although i don't agree with his indictment of hip hop culture as a whole. Uh, yes. It is a real culture. Don't get me started....


tags: hip hop, prayer