Madison Avenue Misstep.

That does not make me want to buy a Snickers bar. (Neither do these.) It makes want to vomit. What were they thinking associating candy with a surgical procedure? As a woman, the word hysterectomy immediately comes to mind. So if i bite into a Snickers bar, my uterus will fall out BUT I will no longer be hungry. Great.

P.S. I wish i were this clever.

First Day of School Update:

I just spoke to Pumpkin and he said his first day of school was awesome! And he didn't get detention! whew... I'm so glad he liked it. He was doing his homework when I called (they gave very little) so he's off to a good start.

He did miss the school bus because he was confused about which bus to take home. So one of the teachers gave him a ride to the bus stop where his dad was waiting. Excellent.

Now i can exhale...

The First Day of School

As much as i enjoyed summer vacation, I could not WAIT for the first day of school. The smiling teachers, chattering kids, brand new textbooks... It was always an exciting day for me and it was the one day where i'd wake up before my mom just so i could pick out which of my new outfits I was gonna wear. I used to put extra vaseline on my face and arms to make sure i didn't get teased for being ashy. I almost always had a new bookbag, pencil case and fresh composition books with my name neatly scrawled on the front.

Today is my 10-year old's first day of 5th grade and i'm just as nervous and excited sitting here at my desk as if i were there myself. He had previously been in the same school for the last 6 years and I can only imagine how he must feel today...a new school, new classmates, new teachers. Nothing at all will be familiar. And he's not going to just any school...it's a college-prepatory charter school. An award-winning system that has been featured on various TV talk shows. One with lots of strict rules and easy-to-get detentions. It will be fun too, but he will have to earn that fun.

I know he was probably scared on the way this morning...worrying about what it's gonna be like...worrying about getting a detention on the first day...with good reason. His father and i have spent the last two weeks drilling him and impressing upon him the importance of getting organized, focusing on his work and paying attention in class. Those 3 things have been very difficult for him in the past...which is part of why I'm so excited that he will be in this school.

The last school he was in was horribly sub-standard. Even though he finished the year with A's and B's, he was being given work on a 2nd grade level...and he was in the 4th grade! Unfortunately, the administration's expectations for the students in that school were so low, that no one was being challenged. He did as little as possible and came away with good grades. It was easy to succeed there and it has given my son a false sense of security.

Well today begins his reality check. Middle school is when things start getting serious; the math is harder and the work is more demanding. If he doesn't get serious about school now, and develop good study habits, high school is going to be even more trying for him.

I know he's smart enough but that boy is just (admittedly) lazy. All he cares about is playing and watching TV. He hates school. Which is so foreign to me because I always LOVED LOVED LOVED school. How did i raise a child that hates school? I mean i know it's not my fault; children are individuals, but still.

Well fine. He can hate school all he wants but I won't let him get away with not doing his best. I know he's going to need alot of support and encouragement in these first few months. If i can keep his spirits up and let him know that i'm always proud of him no matter what, hopefully he will Rise to this new challenge.

Mondays with Meshell.

Watching Meshell Ndegeocello perform is like watching a flower blossom slowly.

She starts out quiet and closed. Her mic is angled towards the band instead of the audience...She takes the stage without incident; no introductions, no warnings. She lets the band get started as she hangs back...shy. After some minutes, she starts to sing a little but then dons her hood in order to protect herself even more from the scrutiny of the crowd....

But after a while, she begins to warm up...she dances, moves, gives direction, laughs with the band. Eventually she acknowledges the crowd. Banters. Smiles. Introduces the band. Then finally, after 1.5 hours, and at long last....

She picks up the Bass. just wow.

Meshell makes me want to quit my job, buy a bass, and lock myself in a padded room for a month until i emerge with an opus. She plays so amazingly and effortlessly. Her dainty fingers flit and fly over the thick strings as if she's caressing them instead of pressing them. If the main bass player is doing a simple 3 chord repetition, she quietly overtakes him and adds a note here and a note there...but differently every other bar...i was mesmerized.

Lucky for me, there's more to come. She's performing with her band, A Different Girl [Every Night], for 3 Mondays in August. So tonight was only the beginning...

Stupid Girl.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived in a lovely village. She went to school every day, studied real hard and got good grades. But there was just one problem.

Every day at 4pm, she walked a ways up the road to where there is always a small fire burning. Every day, as she passes by the old man, he tells her not to touch the fire. Every day, she walks right up to the fire and puts her hand over it.

The pain is intense and the girl screams out. Her hand is already sore and scarred from all the previous days' pain and every day the pain is worse. She walks back down the road, crying, past the old man (who hands her a bandage) and goes home.

Weeks and weeks go by and the girl continues her daily routine. Until one day, when the old man could not take it anymore. He stops the girl as she is walking by, hand already bloodied and bandaged from the day before...he has to know.

Old Man: are you going to the fire?

Stupid Girl: yes.

Old Man: don't you know that it will burn you? i tell you every day...

Stupid Girl: yes, i know. i hear you tell me.

Old Man: then why do you keep doing it? why don't you stop hurting yourself?

Stupid Girl: Because I am stupid, I guess.

and off towards the fire she went again.

On: Stuff

I absolutely detest the word *Can't*. it's a copout. a crutch. i hate it when people use it because what they really mean is that they *won't* or *don't want to* do something. They are just afraid to say it that way. But yes, they are quite able to. We CAN do anything that we have a desire to do, if we want it badly enough. There's just no such thing as *can't*. Cuz it would be really easy for me to say "I can't open a franchise right now", but the truth of the matter is, I'm not willing to give it a sincere attempt right now. Because i know for a fact that if i put 100% effort into doing it, it would get done.

Every day after work, I pass by a seemingly homeless man in the subway (i try not to 100% trust appearances). He looks about 55 years old, Black, salt/pepper hair and beard...he's a large man. Not obese but not thin. Very alert and seemingly healthy. He sits on a milk crate and has a paper cup with change in it that he shakes as people walk by.

Now i understand that some people are down on their luck for whatever reason...loss of home, loss of job, etc. and maybe they need some help to get ahead. I can sympathize because i'm only 2 paychecks away from homelessness myself. But to sit in the same spot every day and shake a cup? that shit pisses me off. Now i don't know what he's doing up until I see him...maybe he's out looking for work or whatever. I don't know. But i can only go on what i see. And my perception is that this man expects me to get up every morning, go to a job that i don't even really want to be at, work all day, earn a paycheck, then just give it to him because he's shaking a cup? I don't think so. Sometimes i have an urge to start a conversation with him and find out what his situation is and other times, I want to scream at him. So i just say nothing. I walk by and don't even look at him. I pretend to not even see him. I treat him as if he is invisible even tho it hate it when people do that to me. I'm often amazed at my own hypocrisy..

and speaking of my hypocrisy...I was on the PATH train last night and there was this couple. The girl was petite, white with blond hair. Some kind of accent that i could not place. Cute round face. Her boyfriend was a bit taller than her...dark curly hair, piercing eyes..maybe Italian?. Well i don't know if they were newly in love with each other but they just would not keep their hands off each other...they constantly kissed (loudly) right in front of where i was standing. I was highly annoyed and rolled my eyes at them several times. In those moments, I hated them intensely and wanted to scream at them to give me a fucking break...

But I know now that I was just jealous. Not too long ago, that was me/us. on a train, holding hands, standing close, sharing an ipod, kissing, staring into each others eyes, not caring about anyone else around us, wondering whether the train could move faster so we could hurry up and be home and alone...

Testimony Vol 1: Life and Relationships

I got this cd the other day and i was very excited to listen to it...this was my first time buying a CD in a very long time and i'd almost forgotten how much i enjoy liner notes...i read them all. all her thank you's (there were like 5 pages worth).. what struck me the most tho, were her photographs. she is so beautiful. and she just looks so happy and at peace. especially the one photo of her in Hawaii by the waterfall. just amazing...

so i loaded the cd up onto my nano and took a listen on my way to work. maybe my expectations were too high though because i was not that impressed.

Now there's no denying that India has a nice voice and she writes very well. She has alot to say and i'm glad someone is saying it. It's a refreshing change from the empty ,vacuous, materialistic subject matter of the average songs you hear on the radio these days.

but the music was a bit unremarkable and sometimes boring. elementary, even. I'd have much preferred this be a spoken word album because i loved the lyrics to most of the songs...but the vocal and musical arrangements..the musicianship displayed...B.L.A.H. My main gripe is that there was too much talk-singing (damn you, R. Kelly) and meaningless runs. Oftentimes her voice was not as full of emotion as the lyrics would seem to require...

i hated writing that because i wanted to like this album so badly. but i gotta be honest. i can't not speak on mediocrity. Jehan has given me such a healthy appreciation of really well-produced, high quality, professional music and vocal stylings that it's really glaring when something is not up to snuff.

but at the end of the day, I'm incredibly thankful for India.Arie. She is a welcome change to the music industry's obsession with light skin, straight noses, long blond hair... India looks like me. Her nose and lips and skin are like mine. I rarely get to see a reflection of myself being successful in the entertainment business. AND she's not selling sex. AND she's talking about positive uplifting things. She's important and relevant. She's opening doors and carving pathways for an army of little dark black girls to pick up an instrument and march in behind her. I will always respect and support her for that.